如是說999

 2018-04-09 OSHO 奥修每日分享

Q: Is it possible for two people in a relationship to be bad for each other? Does it happen that two peoples energy just does not mix? How to know the difference between the thorns of a healthy relationship and an unhealthy relationship?

问题：有没有可能，关系里的双方对彼此不好？会不会有这种事情，两个人合不来（能量不合）？如何才能知道，一段健康关系里的荆棘，跟一段不健康的关系两者之间的区别？

OSHO 奥修:

But I have come across couples thousands and thousands of couples who are bad. In fact I have never come across a couple who is not bad. Persons are beautiful and couples are ugly. Something goes wrong somewhere. It should not be so but it is so.

OSHO 奥修：

但我遇到过成千上万对彼此不好的伴侣。事实上，我从没遇到过善待彼此的伴侣。个人很美，伴侣很丑陋。有些东西在某些地方出了错。它不应如此，却是如此。

The way love has been understood has been wrong. What you call love is not love; it is something else. Sometimes you are alone and you cannot tolerate your loneliness, and just to fill the gap, the inner hole, you find somebody. It is not love. And of course things are going to be bad. From the very beginning the very base is wrong.

人们对爱的理解错了。你们所谓的爱不是爱，而是别的。有时候你独身一人，你无法忍受自己的单独，为了填补空虚，内在的空虚，你找别人。那不是爱。当然事情会变坏。从一开始地基就搭错了。

Love is a sharing of two individuals. And I call a person "individual" when he is happy with his aloneness; otherwise he is not an individual, if he cannot be happy alone. Just think. If you cannot be happy alone, how can you be happy together? Two persons are unhappy separately, and you think there is going to be a miracle? -- two unhappy persons come together and suddenly happiness arises? Unhappiness is doubled -- not only doubled, multiplied.

爱是两个个体的分享。当一个人开心的跟自己的单独共处时，我称其为“个体”，否则他不是一个个体，如果他独处时不开心。想一想。如果你独处时都不能开心，两个人在一起你怎么能开心？两个人都不开心，你认为会有奇迹发生吗？两个不开心的人走到一起，突然就开心了？不开心会加倍——不只是加倍，是相乘了。

Out of your unhappiness you seek the other; then the relationship is going to be wrong. Seek the other out of happiness, and then the relationship will never be wrong. Seek out of happiness.

你因为不开心而找别人，这样关系肯定会出错。出于开心找别人，那么关系永远不会出错。出于开心而找。

First meditate, first feel your own being, first pray. First grow into love; otherwise what are you going to do when you have found the lover? Then you don't know what to do.

先静心，先感受你自己的存在，先祈祷。先在爱里成长，否则当你有了一个爱人，你会做什么？你不知道该做什么。

An anecdote:

一则趣事：

His friend was a shy one, but after being told that if he went to the dance all he would have to do would be stand in the corner, he went. The friend shoved him immediately into the arms of a pretty girl on the dance floor.

他的朋友很害羞，但他告诉这个朋友，如果他去参加舞会，他唯一要做的就是站在角落里，于是他就去了。朋友立马把他推进了舞池中一个美女怀里。

For an hour or so he lost track of his shy friend, but then spotted him standing happily next to the girl he had been "shoved" upon. What is more, he had his arm around her waist and she was looking up at him with adoring eyes.

有大约一小时他没看见他那害羞的朋友，但接着瞧见他正开心的跟被推进怀里的女孩站在一起。不仅如此，他正挽着她的腰，她则崇拜的看着他。

"We are engaged," the shy one told his friend.

“我们订婚了，”那个害羞的朋友告诉他。

"Good heavens!" said the friend. "How did that happen?"

“天啊！”他朋友说，“你怎么做到的？”

"Well," said the shy one, "I danced with her six times and I just could not think of anything else to ask her."

“哦，”害羞的朋友说，“我跟她跳了六次舞，除此之外我想不出该问她什么。”

Your love affairs are so stupid. And then you are waiting for something great to happen out of them. In the first place you don't have any love in your heart. That's why everybody wants to be loved. You want to be loved; your woman also wants to be loved. Naturally there is conflict: both are ready to take and nobody is ready to give. And how to give? You don't have it in the first place. Only a loving person -- one who is already loving -- can find the right partner.

你们的爱情愚蠢透顶。你们等着爱情结出伟大的果实。首先你心里一丁点儿爱也没有。那就是为什么每个人都想被爱。你想被爱，你的女人也想被爱。很自然的冲突来了：彼此都准备好了索取，没人准备好给予。如何给予？首先你没有爱。只有一个有爱的人——一个已经在爱着的人——能找到正确的伴侣。

This is my observation: if you are unhappy you will find somebody who is unhappy. Unhappy people are attracted towards unhappy people. And it is good, it is natural. It is good that the unhappy people are not attracted towards happy people; otherwise they will destroy their happiness. It is perfectly okay. Only happy people are attracted towards happy people. The same attracts the same. Intelligent people are attracted towards intelligent people; stupid people are attracted towards stupid people.

这是我的观察：如果你不开心，你会找到一个不开心的人。不开心的人被不开心的人吸引。这是好的，也很自然。很好，不开心的人没有被开心的人吸引，否则他们会毁了他们的开心。这好极了。只有开心的人被开心的人吸引。物以类聚。聪明人被聪明人吸引，笨蛋被笨蛋吸引。

You will see it. In Poona there are thousands of people, but only a few people will be attracted towards me -- only those who are really concerned with knowing who they are. Others won't be attracted. Even my neighbors, just the next-door neighbors -- they have not come to listen. In fact they are very much worried.

你会看到这一点。浦那有成千上万人，但只有少数人被我吸引——只有那些真的关心知晓自己是谁的人。别人不会被吸引。即便是我的邻居，隔壁的邻居——他们也不来聆听我。事实上，他们非常担心。

It happened, in one town I lived for ten years, and a person used to live just above me, but he never came to see me. Thousands of people would come and go, but he never came. He was simply puzzled as to why people came to me. Then he was transferred -- he was a principal in a college -- he was transferred to another town. I visited the other town. I was invited to his college to speak to the students; then he heard me for the first time. He had to because he was the principal! Then he became more puzzled; he said, "Ten years I lived just on top of you, and I missed. I never came. And I never knew that you had something to share, that you had something to give to us." He started crying.

我曾在一个镇上住了 10 年，有个人住在我楼上，但他从不来看我。成千上万人来来去去，但他从不来。他很困惑为什么人们来看我。后来他搬走了——他是一名大学校长——他去了另一个镇上。我拜访了那个镇。我被邀请去他学校给学生们演讲，那是他第一次听我讲话。他必须来听，因为他是校长！然后他更困惑了，他说，“十年来我一直住在你楼上，我错过了。我从没来过。我从不知道你有东西分享，你有东西给我们。”他开始哭。

I said, "Don't be worried. Just tell me, during these two years you have not been in that town, what has happened?" He said, "My wife died and I became very miserable. Then I started meditating, thinking maybe it helps. Then really something started happening in me and I started feeling very happy. I was worried I would not be able to be alone without my wife, but now I am so happy that I don't want to get entangled with anybody."

我说，“别担心。告诉我，离开镇子这两年，你都发生了什么？”他说，“我老婆死了，我很痛苦。于是我开始静心，想着或许静心会有所帮助。接着我内在某些东西开始发生了，我开始感到开心无比。我曾担心没了老婆活不下去，但现在我非常开心，我不想跟别人有所纠缠。”

I told him, "Maybe that's why you could understand me. The meditation that you tried, the happiness that you are feeling -- then there is a possibility to have contact with me. There you were on a different plane."

我告诉他，“或许那就是为什么你能懂我。你尝试的静心，你现在感觉到的开心——这样你才有可能跟我连接。你之前的境界不一样。”

You meet people of the same plane. So the first thing to remember is: a relationship is bound to be bitter if it has grown out of unhappiness. First be happy, be joyful, be celebrating, and then you will find some other soul celebrating and there will be a meeting of two dancing souls and a great dance will arise out of it.

你遇见跟你境界一样的人。所以首先记住：如果关系出自于不开心，它注定会苦涩不堪。先开心起来，喜悦起来，庆祝起来，然后你就能找到其他也在庆祝的灵魂，两个舞蹈着的灵魂会相遇，一场伟大的舞蹈会从中诞生。

Don't ask for a relationship out of loneliness, no. Then you are moving in a wrong direction. Then the other will be used as a means and the other will use you as a means. And nobody wants to be used as a means! Every single individual is an end unto himself. It is immoral to use anybody as a means. First learn how to be alone. Meditation is a way of being alone.

别因为孤独而寻求一段关系，别。否则你方向就错了。否则对方会被用作工具，对方也会把你用作工具。没人想被用作工具！每个人都是活生生的人。把别人作为工具来利用是不道德的。先学习独处。静心是独处之道。

And if you can be happy when you are alone, you have learned the secret of being happy. Now you can be happy together. If you are happy, then you have something to share, to give. And when you give you get; it is not the other way. Then a need arises to love somebody. Ordinarily the need is to be loved by somebody. It is a wrong need. It is a childish need; you are not mature. It is a child's attitude.

如果你在独处时能开心，你就学会了开心的秘诀。现在你跟别人在一起能开心。如果你是开心的，你就有东西可以分享，可以给予。给予，你就会得到，别无他法。接着爱别人的需要升起了。通常人们的需要是被别人爱。这是一个错误的需要，这是一个幼稚的需要，你不成熟。这是一个小孩的态度。

A child is born. Of course, the child cannot love the mother; he does not know what love is and he does not know who is the mother and who is the father. He is totally helpless. His being is still to be integrated; he is not one piece; he is not together yet. He is just a possibility. The mother has to love, the father has to love, the family has to shower love on the child.

孩子出生了。当然，孩子没办法爱母亲，他不知道爱是什么，他不知道爹妈是谁。他完全的无助。他的身心仍然需要整合，他还不完整。他只是一个可能性。母亲必须爱他，父亲必须爱他，家人必须爱他。

Now he learns one thing: that everybody has to love him. And he never learns that he has to love. Now the child will grow, and if he remains stuck with this attitude that everybody has to love him, he will suffer his whole life -- his body has grown, but his mind has remained immature.

现在他学会了一件事：每个人都得爱他。他永远学不会自己必须去爱。现在孩子会长大，如果他一直卡在这个态度上——每个人都得爱他，他就会痛苦一辈子——他的身体长大了，但他的心智仍然不成熟。

A mature person is one who comes to know the other need: that now I have to love somebody. The need to be loved is childish, immature. The need to love is mature. And when you are ready to love somebody, a beautiful relationship will arise; otherwise not.

成熟之人知道另一个需要：现在我必须爱别人。被爱的需要是幼稚、不成熟的。去爱的需要才是成熟的。当你准备好了爱别人，一段美妙的关系会出现，否则不会。

"Is it possible for two people in a relationship to be bad for each other?" Yes, that's what is happening all over the world. To be good is very difficult. You are not good even to yourself. How can you be good to somebody else? You don't even love yourself! How can you love somebody else? Love yourself, be good to yourself.

“有没有可能，关系里的双方对彼此不好？”是的，那就是全世界正在上演的。善待彼此非常难。你甚至对自己都不好，你怎么能对别人好？你甚至不爱你自己，你怎么能爱别人？爱你自己，善待你自己。

And your so-called religious saints have been teaching you never to love yourself, never to be good to yourself. Be hard on yourself! They have been teaching you be soft towards others and hard towards yourself. This is absurd.

你们所谓的宗教圣人一直教导你，永远别爱自己，永远别对自己好。对自己要狠！他们一直教导你，要善待别人，对自己则要狠。这很荒唐。

I teach you that the first and foremost thing is to be loving towards yourself. Don't be hard; be soft. Care about yourself. Learn how to forgive yourself -- again and again and again -- seven times, seventy-seven times, seven hundred seventy-seven times. Learn how to forgive yourself. Don't be hard; don't be antagonistic towards yourself. Then you will flower.

我教导你，首先也最重要的，就是爱自己。别狠心，心要软。关心你自己。学习如何原谅自己——一次又一次的， 7 次， 77 次， 777 次。学习如何原谅自己。别狠心。别跟自己对立。这样你才能花开。

And in that flowering you will attract some other flower. It is natural. Stones attract stones; flowers attract flowers. And then there is a relationship which has grace, which has beauty, which has a benediction in it. And if you can find such a relationship, your relationship will grow into prayer... your love will become an ecstasy... and through love you will know what God is.

花开蝴蝶来。这很自然。石头吸引石头，花朵吸引花朵。这样才会有一段优雅、美丽、有恩典的关系。如果你能找到这样一段关系，你的关系会成长为祈祷……你的爱会变成狂喜……经由爱你会知晓上帝。

译自：OSHO Ecstasy - The Forgotten Language, Chapter #3