Q&A ~ Why Do People Have To Suffer?
~ Jennifer Hoffman
Dear Jennifer: I was wondering if you have any insight/advice on coping with seeing someone you love dying? My mother has COPD, along with many complications and she is dying. The doctors have said there is nothing more they can do for her and have put her in hospice.
問 : 親愛的 Jennifer: 我希望您能指點一下或建議一下如何面對我們所愛的人正在死亡中的狀況 ? 我母親有 COPD, 以及許多併發症 , 她快死了 , 醫生們說他們已經無法再為她做什麼事了而且已經將她列入‘臨終關懷照顧’之中 .
Her medicines no longer work and the prescribed steroids are making her bones crumble. Her body is bruised from blood thinners and she can no longer care for herself.
她吃的藥已經不再起作用 , 而類固醇已經讓她的骨頭疏鬆 , 她的身體出現了瘀青因為血液變薄了 , 而她再也無法照顧她自己 .
I have made peace with her eventual death but seeing her in this condition is ripping me apart as I cannot bear to see her suffer like this. Do you have ay advice on coping with this situation and why people have to suffer so?
我已經接受了她即將死亡的事實 , 但是看到她的狀況讓我傷心欲碎 , 我無法忍受她如此受苦 . 你對這種狀況有任何建議嗎 ? 為何人們必須受苦至此呢 ?
Jennifer’s Answer: It is so hard to watch someone you love suffer like this and especially since you know that eventually she is going to leave her body and you want that to be an easy and painless process for her. You feel that she is out of control here but she is not.
Jennifer 回答 : 親眼看著所愛的人受苦至此真是一件痛苦的事情 , 特別是當你已經知道最後她會離開她的身體 , 而你希望這個程式對她可以是輕鬆而沒有痛苦的過程 . 所以你們認為 --- 她在這件事上是沒有選擇控制能力的 , 但事實上她有 !
Her suffering is not caused by something outside of herself but by her willingness to accept this as her only option. She could choose a different way of dying and of living.
她的受苦並非是‘任何她自己之外的事情’所造成的 ,--- 而是‘她自己的意願’來接受這個 --- 她認為這是她‘唯一的選擇’ . 她可以選擇一個不一樣的方法來死亡或是生活的 !
I am not trying to be insensitive to your pain or to her situation but when we acknowledge ourselves as powerful, that applies to every part of our lives. We can control every aspect of our life, when we know that we have control.
我並非對你的痛苦或是她的狀況顯得無動於衷 , 但是 --- 如果我們能夠‘承認接受’我們自己 --- 的 ( 主導控制 ) 力量 --- 這在我們人生的每個層面都適用 --- 我們其實是‘控制我們自己人生每個層面的人’ --- 如果我們能理解我們自己的控制力量的話 !!!
A lifetime of feeling smothered by her life, being unable to breathe life into her dreams, unfulfilled expectations, and the sorrows she carries in her heart, have created the belief that life is something she must endure without being able to control any part of it.
她這一輩子感覺到自己悶死在自己的人生當中 , 沒有能力去把夢想顯化為真實人生 , 她有許多未完成的期望 , 而她心中存在著的憂傷 ,--- 創造了一種信念 --- 就是‘這是她必須忍受的’ --- ‘而且是她沒有辦法去控制任何一部份的 . ’
Our bodies are mirrors of our beliefs, thoughts and experience and illness in the body is a symptom of our limiting beliefs. Your mother does have a choice, she has many choices available to her but she doesn’t see or know them and believes what she has been told, that her situation is incurable, irreversible, painful, limiting and she is going to die.
我們的身體是我們信念 , 思想和經驗的鏡子 !--- 而‘身體的疾病’就是一個象徵 --- 說明了我們‘有限度的信念’ !!! 你母親沒有選擇餘地 , 她其實有很多選項的可能性可以選擇 , 但是她看不到 , 無法知道 , 而且相信 --- 她以前被告知的事 --- 那就是這狀況是‘無法挽救的’ , ‘無法改變的’ , 會是‘痛苦的’ , 會是‘改變機會很小的’ , 而且她就快要死掉了 !
While it is difficult to watch someone suffer, it is even harder to consider that they are choosing this as an option for themselves, even if that choice is made very unconsciously. Why would they do that when so many more fulfilling, life expanding, peaceful and joyful options are available?
而看一個人吃苦已經夠難過了 , 更痛苦的明白這是他們自己的選擇 --- 即使這個選擇是在‘沒有意識’的狀況之下所做出來的決定 . 為何他們會這樣做呢 ?--- 當有如此多更有意義的 , 更有‘人生成長擴張意義的 , 更和平安寧的甚至快樂的選項存在 , 為何要選擇痛苦呢 ?
Because they do not know that and do not think that they are capable of anything else. Acknowledge that suffering what your mother has chosen for herself because she doesn’t know that she can choose something else and even if she knew that, she would have to also believe that it was possible for her before she could make that her reality.
因為他們不知道這個 !--- 因為他們‘不認為’他們‘有能力’選擇任何別的 !!! 所以 , 去瞭解 --- 你母親的痛苦是她自己的選擇 --- 因為她不知道她其實可以選擇別的 , 而即使她知道 , 她還必須要‘能夠相信’ --- 這對她是可能的 --- 這樣她才能把這‘現實’給創造出來 !
Continue to care for her in the best way you can, remember the good times and
let her feel the love you have for her.
繼續用你能夠的最好方法去照顧她 , 記得那些快樂的好時光 , 而且讓她感覺到你對她的愛 .
Let her suffering be a learning experience for you too, that a lifetime of feeling powerless, out of control and helpless, of not having the courage to make your dreams a reality, of not believing in yourself and not giving yourself the gift of fulfillment in every area of your life will eventually take its toll on your body, mind, emotions and spirit.
讓她的受苦 --- 也成為你的體驗學習 , 希望‘一生的無力感’ , ‘失去控制的人生’‘沒有援手的人生’‘沒有勇氣去追求夢想的人生’ , ‘不相信自己的人生’ , ‘不允許你自己每個人生的各個層面都具有意義的人生’ --- 最後總是要‘反應結果’在你的身體上 , 心智上和情緒上的 !!!
Suffering is an option but so is joy. Powerlessness is another option but so is
expansive, fulfilling living. Create boundaries that limit your willingness to choose pain and suffering but expand your awareness of the unlimited options for joy.
‘受苦’是一個選項 , 但‘快樂’也是 . ‘無力感’是另一個‘選項’ --- 但是‘寬廣的人生’‘具有意義的人生’也是選項 . 去給自己製造‘界限’ --- 來把自己的‘意志力’控制在 --- 不去選擇‘痛苦’和‘吃苦’上面 , 而是去選擇‘你覺知能力的無限制 \ 無止境的擴張’來獲取快樂 !
Choose what you want for yourself and let that become your reality and this is how you will honor your mother’s life, her suffering and her death, by becoming something that she wanted but never had the courage to become herself.
選擇你要給自己的 , 然後讓那個選擇變成你的現實 --- 這就是你‘榮耀’你母親的生命的方法 , 她所受的苦 , 以及死亡 --- 你要成為她想要成為的 --- 可是一直沒有勇氣去成為的‘她自己’ !
By Jennifer Hoffman
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