One of the things that I find out that I really not good at conflicts
有一点，我发现自己：真的不擅长 “ 冲突 ”
You are not good at conflict.
你不擅长 “ 冲突 ” ？
Like handling conflict. Like I feel freeze
处理冲突时，我像是中了 “ 定身术 ” 一样，被定住了
If I have to track back, I would think that when I grow up, my family member is of horrific, maybe somehow...
若要追溯根源的话，我想，可能因为在我成长过程中，我家人会 “ 凶 ” 我
All right, but that's not what I' m really asking
What is conflict?
什么是 “ 冲突 ” ？
Well, conflict is just a lot of heat for me.
对我来说，冲突就像是 “ 烈火焚身 ”
What causes conflict?
是什么导致了 “ 冲突 ” ？
People have different opinions?
Sort of, but that's not really it.
Their vibration is different? I' m just guessing.
That's a side effect, but that's not really the cause.
Each feels that a need is not being fulfilled.
If you can use your communication skills to find out:
What it is each believes they are missing?
What each believes they are not being fulfilled in?
What is their basic wish, their basic need that they need fulfilled
Which sometimes can be very simple
Once you find that out, you may then use your imagination to find that
there may be many ways, many ways that their basic needs can be fulfilled simultaneously by something neither had thought of.
Because very often in your reality, because of the compartmentalization of your consciousness and belief system
The idea is that many people will think they need one thing and that creates the conflict,
But in fact they actually need something very different
and much simpler to resolve the conflict within themselves
So if you can get at the basis of what it is they feel they are missing that would fulfill them on a very fundamental level.
You will usually find it's very similar.
Even though they seem to be at odds. They're really not
Because they're probably both feeling that something is missing that is very similar for each of them.
And that's why the conflict is there
Because they are seeing a reflection from one another of something that they themselves feel is missing
因为他们从对方身上看到自己 “ 缺失 ” 的影子，感受到了自己内在 “ 缺憾 ”
And the conflict comes from being afraid to address that and resenting being shown that by the other person
Thinking that the other person is the cause of it or that their ideology is the cause of it
When in fact it’s simply something they feel is missing from themselves.
That is very easily attained if you understand what the basic need is that needs to be fulfilled.
So if you can have some of those conversations with each of the persons that are in conflict, and find out what their basic...,
If you could just feel fulfilled, what would fulfill you?
What is the real thing that you believe you need here
in its simplest form?
You will usually find there is more commonality between them than you think
And that alone can actually begin to resolve the conflict
Because then they see commonality, instead of difference
因为，他们看到的是 “ 共性 ” ，而非 “ 差异 ”
Yes? You can do that!
There's nothing to be afraid.
You can help
I can! Thank you!
You will find generally that most of those kinds of conflicts come down to some very basic things, like:
I don't feel supported.
I don't feel heard.
I don't feel valued.
I don't feel loved.
I don't feel respected.
Very basic things! Easy to resolve!