如是說999

笑笑 巴夏Bashar

 2019-10-21

https://v.qq.com/x/page/a30119powwj.html

问：

One of the things that I find out that I really not good at conflicts 

有一点，我发现自己：真的不擅长 “ 冲突 ”

巴夏：

You are not good at conflict. 

你不擅长 “ 冲突 ” ？

问：

Like handling conflict. Like I feel freeze 

处理冲突时，我像是中了 “ 定身术 ” 一样，被定住了

巴夏：

Why? 

为什么呢？

问：

If I have to track back, I would think that when I grow up, my family member is of horrific, maybe somehow... 

若要追溯根源的话，我想，可能因为在我成长过程中，我家人会 “ 凶 ” 我

巴夏：

All right, but that's not what I' m really asking 

好吧！但我要问的，并不是这个

What is conflict? 

什么是 “ 冲突 ” ？

问：

Well, conflict is just a lot of heat for me. 

对我来说，冲突就像是 “ 烈火焚身 ”

巴夏：

No! No! 

不！不！

What causes conflict? 

是什么导致了 “ 冲突 ” ？

问：

People have different opinions? 

人们之间有不同意见吗？

巴夏：

Sort of, but that's not really it. 

可以这么说，但并非如此

问：

Their vibration is different? I' m just guessing. 

我猜想，是因为他们的振频不一样？

巴夏：

That's a side effect, but that's not really the cause. 

不！那只是附带的效果，而非真正起因

问：

Different interest? 

每个人的利益不同？

巴夏：

You're closer! 

接近答案喽！

Each feels that a need is not being fulfilled. 

冲突，是因为：每个人都感觉自己的某个需求，没有得到满足

If you can use your communication skills to find out:

如果你能够运用你的沟通技巧，从而发现：

What it is each believes they are missing? 

每个人认为（相信）自己所缺失的，是什么？

What each believes they are not being fulfilled in? 

每个人认为（相信）自己没有得到满足的，是什么？

What is their basic wish, their basic need that they need fulfilled 

每个人需要实现的最根本的愿望，需要满足的最基本的需求，是什么？

Which sometimes can be very simple 

有时候，可能就是一些非常简单的东西

Once you find that out, you may then use your imagination to find that 

一旦你找出它们，你就可以发挥自己的想象力，去寻找化解冲突的方法了

there may be many ways, many ways that their basic needs can be fulfilled simultaneously by something neither had thought of. 

你可能会找到非常多的、能够同时满足他们基本需求的方法，而这些方法，可能你们之前根本就没想到

Because very often in your reality, because of the compartmentalization of your consciousness and belief system 

因为，很多时候，在你们的实相中，由于你们的分离意识与信念系统的不同区分

The idea is that many people will think they need one thing and that creates the conflict, 

很多人都认为自己需要某个（特定的）东西，而这造成了冲突

But in fact they actually need something very different 

但实际上，他们真正需要的东西，非常不同

and much simpler to resolve the conflict within themselves 

并且，可以很容易地在他们内部之间，就将冲突解决掉

So if you can get at the basis of what it is they feel they are missing that would fulfill them on a very fundamental level. 

所以，如果你能弄清楚：每个人认为自己所缺失的、并且需要得到满足的最基本的需求

You will usually find it's very similar. 

那么，通常你会发现他们的需求，非常相似

Even though they seem to be at odds. They're really not 

虽然他们看似在争执（同一个东西），但他们需要的，各不相同

Because they're probably both feeling that something is missing that is very similar for each of them. 

因为他们可能都感觉：自己所缺失的东西，与对方非常相似

And that's why the conflict is there 

而这就是出现冲突的原因了

Because they are seeing a reflection from one another of something that they themselves feel is missing 

因为他们从对方身上看到自己 “ 缺失 ” 的影子，感受到了自己内在 “ 缺憾 ”

And the conflict comes from being afraid to address that and resenting being shown that by the other person 

而冲突，就是因为不敢表达出自己的缺失，并且，怨恨对方将其展示出来

Thinking that the other person is the cause of it or that their ideology is the cause of it 

认为：因为对方，才导致了自己的缺失；或者认为：对方的观念，才造成了自己的缺失

When in fact it’s simply something they feel is missing from themselves. 

而实际上，那只不过是 因为他们觉得自己缺失了某样东西罢了

That is very easily attained if you understand what the basic need is that needs to be fulfilled. 

如果你知道他们需要满足的最基本需求是什么，那么，他们所缺失的，就可以很容易获得

So if you can have some of those conversations with each of the persons that are in conflict, and find out what their basic..., 

所以，如果你能与冲突之中的每个人进行类似的对话，并找出他们的基本需要

like: 

你可以这么说：

If you could just feel fulfilled, what would fulfill you? 

如果你现在就能感到满足，那么，能让你满足的东西，是什么？

What is the real thing that you believe you need here 

你认为你现在真正需要的东西，是什么？

in its simplest form? 

它们最简单的形式，是什么？

You will usually find there is more commonality between them than you think 

通常，你会发现他们之间的共同点，比你想象的要多

And that alone can actually begin to resolve the conflict 

单凭这一点，就能开始化解冲突

Because then they see commonality, instead of difference 

因为，他们看到的是 “ 共性 ” ，而非 “ 差异 ”

问：

Yes! 

确实如此！

巴夏：

Yes? You can do that! 

你明白吗？你能做到的！

There's nothing to be afraid. 

没什么好害怕的！

You can help 

你可以提供帮忙！

问：

I can! Thank you! 

我可以！谢谢！

巴夏：

You will find generally that most of those kinds of conflicts come down to some very basic things, like: 

你们会发现：大多数的冲突，归根结底，都是因为一些非常基础的东西，比如说：

I don't feel supported.

我觉得，自己不被支持

I don't feel heard. 

我觉得，没人听到我的心声

I don't feel valued. 

我觉得，自己没有价值

I don't feel loved. 

我觉得，自己不被爱

I don't feel respected. 

我觉得，自己没得到尊重

……

Very basic things! Easy to resolve! 

都是很基础的东西！也很容易解决！

【全線閱讀】 《巴夏》