Question: Sadhguru, if you are in a very unsupportive relationship with someone, how can you move ahead on the spiritual path without getting stuck?
Sadhguru: If your concern is spiritual growth, then if you have a demon for your partner, that is the best thing! But your husband or your wife is not just about spiritual growth. If you also want to have a pleasant life in the family, you have to choose someone you like. But there is always something that you do not like about any human being on the planet, isn’t it? You use that part of it for your spiritual growth, and the rest of it you enjoy as life.
If your intention is to have a good family, then some rapport is needed between two people; that means there have to be some areas of commonality at least. To build a rapport takes effort, it takes compromise, it takes love and it takes endurance. If you want to build a rapport with someone who is not supportive, but you do not want to go their way, it takes lots of endurance. People whom you love are not easy.
So what can you do? One thing is to transform yourself in such a way, that being in your presence, unknowingly, they will turn around.
Sometime ago, I went out and it started raining. I was carrying both my phones because I was expecting some calls. One phone is for India, and one is for outside-India calls. I had one in my jacket and the other in my trouser pockets, and they got wet and both the phones got fried. So, people around me were telling me, “Sadhguru, why carry two phones? Now, we can have two SIM cards in one phone. This is a Chinese phone. If you hold it one way, you can speak on the India SIM card. If you turn it around, it just shifts into the other SIM card. You don’t have to switch anything.” I did not get the phone, but you must become like this if you wish to take people who are around you with you. If you want to walk alone, it is very easy. If you want to take people with you, it takes a considerable amount of effort.
Gautama was asked this question, “Is it better to walk alone on the path or with a companion?”
He said, “It is better to walk alone than to walk with a fool.”
Because they can take such a lot of energy and time, and you do not know, they may be stronger than you and take you their way rather than you taking them your way. There is every possibility.
I will not say what Gautama said. All I am saying is, it does not matter how you walk, as far as your spiritual process is concerned, anyway you are alone. Nobody is with you. It is only the bodily process, the material process of life, which you can share with people. You come alone and you go alone. Even if you have a twin brother or sister, you still come alone and go alone. When it comes to the spirit, anyway you walk alone. Do not mix that up. That part of it you handle well. The material part of it, handle it according to your capability. You must see what you are capable of and what you are not capable of. If your partner comes your way, it is wonderful. If they do not, it is alright. Do not grudge them. It is just that you do not have to go that way.